On A Mission

I have been feeling more and more invisible.  This new life, consumed by home making and child care, hasn’t left me the time or will to go out and make new friends.  I am, and always have been, very bad at making friends.  I am very good at meeting people, but turning that into a friendship?  I have no idea how that works.  I have a few people in my life that are truly kindred spirits.  I couldn’t imagine life without them, but they don’t live near me and can’t stop by for coffee or meet me at the library.  I guess, maybe I have to lower my standards for my kids’ sake.  My son is as lonely as I am, and I know it.  This has sprung my new quest: I’m on a mission to make mommy/daddy friends.  

I have a real social phobia that has only gotten stronger in recent years.  So meeting people is hard.  Like I said, I’m pretty good at small talk.  When someone comes up to me, I can shoot the shit with them, but rarely do I let it get much past that.  I have gotten a lot of advice from this handy thing called the internet.  But I’m not sure that throwing myself into a full blown social situation is a good first step.  I think I will be over whelmed and vanish into my shell again.  My plan is this:

I will continue to do all of the things that my kids and I like to do (museums, farms, libraries, farmers markets, hiking trails), but if I see anyone with a toddler, I will force myself to at least say “hi”.  I know what you’re thinking, but no, I don’t do this already.  I will shove the shy, awkward part of me deep into that part of my stomach that aches when I have to talk on the phone.  I will also try to make a point of mentioning that I’m new to the area.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  We’re headed to the farmers market after the kids wake up from their nap.  There’s usually lots of kids hanging around there.


Accomplishments: I made a bunch of burritos and individually froze them so we could have quick and easy meals without buying expensive pre-packaged chemical pockets. 🙂

Garden News: More MUSHROOMS!?  I don’t know what the deal is, but I wake up every morning to mushrooms in my garden.  I wish they were edible, then I’d be psyched… but I doubt they are.  If they were psychotropic I’d be rich… but I doubt they are.  They’re just kind of freakish.  I don’t know what to do about them.  Oh, and I think my Kale may never come up, its been like 2 weeks.  I also think my pumpkins may not have survived the transplant.


Until tomorrow!

Thanks for reading.




About badmamajana

28 years old. Stay at home mom of 2. From Massachusetts.
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8 Responses to On A Mission

  1. Wendy says:

    I totally feel your pain. I am the same way you are about making friends (aka “talking to strangers” ugh!), and I also moved across country with my husband (who works all the time) and 2 kids almost two years ago. I stopped working and now stay home with the kids full-time, which I absolutely love, but since I’m not “forced” to socialize by working, I have no friends. Like you, I’ve started filling my time with the internet and gardening, which I do enjoy, but I really miss just hanging out and shooting the shit with someone who I can be myself with. We live in the middle of bfe and most of my neighbors are older, retired people. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone out there, even if it feels that way. Keep your chin up and thank you for inspiring me to start working on my blog again!

  2. Hey, where do you live?

  3. Ana says:

    Dear Jana, reading this, I felt like it was me you were describing, the difference being that my son is now 6 and my daughter is 1. In retrospective, I don’t think I’ve EVER had any real friends. I haven’t got any advice for you on how to meet people. I only wanted to tell you I’ve been much happier with myself and my life after I’ve told myself I was obviously a loner and that was FINE. As a child I was perfectly happy reading books and playing on my own before I became aware of this need for other people in our lives imposed on us by the society. I came to realize there was really no reason why I should not be equally happy now. I started reading a lot again and doing some hobbies that interest me that I can do at home and I really feel good again. Now, I’m not telling you that’s what you should do, I’m only telling you that was what I did. It’s up to you to decide if it’s the right path for you or not. I also wanted to tell you not to worry about your kids making friends. If they’re social animals, they’ll have plenty of opportunities to make friends, and if not, well, that’s fine, too. I see something of my loner nature in my son (my daughter is really too small to exhibit anything like that) and my only hope is that I’ll be able to help him embrace his true nature, whatever it may be, do what he likes and be happy with it whether he fits into the society’s expectations or not. Whatever you do, I hope you find peace and happiness! Best wishes, Ana

    • badmamajana says:

      My son really enjoys being with other kids, that’s why I am concerning myself with “getting out there”. He is definitely feeling lonely.

    • Tammy says:

      @ Ana I can def relate what u say also I don’t think I’ve really ever had in real friends. So maybe that’s what I need to do is find something that interests me. I’ve been being a mom since 18 and I don’t think I’ve stopped to think what I like or don’t like to do. I need a hobby. Thanks for your reply.

  4. Tammy says:

    I am the same I’ve lived in a new town for almost 3 yrs and still don’t know anyone. I’m good at the small talk too but it feels so awkward at my age and I’m not old but it just doesn’t seem as easy as it was when I was younger. I do have some anxiety issues so I don’t put myself into very many social situations. I wish I could figure out a way to overcome this and at least make one friend I could hang with every so often. Anyway, u ladies are def not alone and thanks for letting me know I’m not either !

    • badmamajana says:

      I’m starting to think there are a lot of us out there. I had a thought, I’m pretty sure I don’t outwardly show my anxieties. I mean to say that I don’t think people can tell how awkward I feel. It makes me wonder if all the people I’m talking to are feeling the same way.

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